Well, one of my purposes in this home school blog is to journal through the ups, downs and all arounds so that I can look back and see from where we came a little clearer. Today, I am struggling and I am going to express that freely here.
The problem at hand is somewhat complicated, but equally simple, if that makes any sense. I am finding it very difficult to maintain order in our schedule and discipline as well. I am thinking that I am lacking in both areas, actually, I know I am The boys are not doing well at getting focused enough to get anything without major yelling from me and even when they do get things done, it seems like the battle to get there ruins the joy on my part. Interesting thing is that although I feel frazzled and annoyed to say the least, they really are still learning. It's kind of crazy actually. It amazes me! But I cannot and should not have to spend each day in mental duress because my boys want to do somersaults and giggle matches each and every moment of the school day. It is exhausting and I am ready for change.
Here is where the guilt comes in. I know that I have not been consistent in disciplining as a parent. As the kids get older, it becomes more apparent. Flat out, they do not listen to me, unless I reach an alarming decibel. This is not good! I will say, I do try, and I do care. It is sort of a shameful thing to me to be a Christian parent, especially, and have such a lack of obedience in my children. But the question is, how in the world do I start?
My own lack of discipline in my own life is a problem too. Today I was praying for wisdom concerning my children and I asked the Lord to send me a messenger to give me some insight. Well, not too long after, my husband called. After expressing some of my concerns (which are nothing new) I heard his analysis and immediately began to defend myself. Then I remembered that I am trying not to do that this week (a Bible study assignment, see post on colorfulwoman.blogspot.com). I have learned that in order to receive God's grace fully I must be willing to be vulnerable and let the walls down, not easy for me to do. So, I stopped defending myself and listened....important thing to do. My husband lovingly stated that he and I both could use a tune up in the self-discipline area. True. That is a good place to start because how can we expect the kids to model anything but what we are doing?
So, my head is spinning a little, it's my fault, in whole, in part, both, whatever. This is hard stuff. Something has got to change though because I am not going to give up on this homeschooling thing or on my children. So, what do I do? I have no idea :) Right now, I need to clean this house, which is a whole other issue...maybe. So, while I am doing mental gymnastics this afternoon and trying to clean up this mess, please pray for me if you read this message!
The problem at hand is somewhat complicated, but equally simple, if that makes any sense. I am finding it very difficult to maintain order in our schedule and discipline as well. I am thinking that I am lacking in both areas, actually, I know I am The boys are not doing well at getting focused enough to get anything without major yelling from me and even when they do get things done, it seems like the battle to get there ruins the joy on my part. Interesting thing is that although I feel frazzled and annoyed to say the least, they really are still learning. It's kind of crazy actually. It amazes me! But I cannot and should not have to spend each day in mental duress because my boys want to do somersaults and giggle matches each and every moment of the school day. It is exhausting and I am ready for change.
Here is where the guilt comes in. I know that I have not been consistent in disciplining as a parent. As the kids get older, it becomes more apparent. Flat out, they do not listen to me, unless I reach an alarming decibel. This is not good! I will say, I do try, and I do care. It is sort of a shameful thing to me to be a Christian parent, especially, and have such a lack of obedience in my children. But the question is, how in the world do I start?
My own lack of discipline in my own life is a problem too. Today I was praying for wisdom concerning my children and I asked the Lord to send me a messenger to give me some insight. Well, not too long after, my husband called. After expressing some of my concerns (which are nothing new) I heard his analysis and immediately began to defend myself. Then I remembered that I am trying not to do that this week (a Bible study assignment, see post on colorfulwoman.blogspot.com). I have learned that in order to receive God's grace fully I must be willing to be vulnerable and let the walls down, not easy for me to do. So, I stopped defending myself and listened....important thing to do. My husband lovingly stated that he and I both could use a tune up in the self-discipline area. True. That is a good place to start because how can we expect the kids to model anything but what we are doing?
So, my head is spinning a little, it's my fault, in whole, in part, both, whatever. This is hard stuff. Something has got to change though because I am not going to give up on this homeschooling thing or on my children. So, what do I do? I have no idea :) Right now, I need to clean this house, which is a whole other issue...maybe. So, while I am doing mental gymnastics this afternoon and trying to clean up this mess, please pray for me if you read this message!
1 comment:
Emily, I will be praying for you. I know what you mean about yelling at the kids. It really is hard, especially when they don't listen. But we have to learn to talk to them and then when we start doing that they won't be yelling.As I finish this comment I will pray that God will help you be patient and that the children will cooperate. Have a great weekend.
Pauline
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