i am tired

ok, it's way too late and I need to go to bed, but I am laughing at myself right now. I just looked at the picture for the mental gymnastics and I think my brain looks most like the upper left and lower left side pictures...ok, need sleep!

Mental Gymnastics and more, yipee!!

Well, one of my purposes in this home school blog is to journal through the ups, downs and all arounds so that I can look back and see from where we came a little clearer. Today, I am struggling and I am going to express that freely here.

The problem at hand is somewhat complicated, but equally simple, if that makes any sense. I am finding it very difficult to maintain order in our schedule and discipline as well. I am thinking that I am lacking in both areas, actually, I know I am The boys are not doing well at getting focused enough to get anything without major yelling from me and even when they do get things done, it seems like the battle to get there ruins the joy on my part. Interesting thing is that although I feel frazzled and annoyed to say the least, they really are still learning. It's kind of crazy actually. It amazes me! But I cannot and should not have to spend each day in mental duress because my boys want to do somersaults and giggle matches each and every moment of the school day. It is exhausting and I am ready for change.

Here is where the guilt comes in. I know that I have not been consistent in disciplining as a parent. As the kids get older, it becomes more apparent. Flat out, they do not listen to me, unless I reach an alarming decibel. This is not good! I will say, I do try, and I do care. It is sort of a shameful thing to me to be a Christian parent, especially, and have such a lack of obedience in my children. But the question is, how in the world do I start?

My own lack of discipline in my own life is a problem too. Today I was praying for wisdom concerning my children and I asked the Lord to send me a messenger to give me some insight. Well, not too long after, my husband called. After expressing some of my concerns (which are nothing new) I heard his analysis and immediately began to defend myself. Then I remembered that I am trying not to do that this week (a Bible study assignment, see post on colorfulwoman.blogspot.com). I have learned that in order to receive God's grace fully I must be willing to be vulnerable and let the walls down, not easy for me to do. So, I stopped defending myself and listened....important thing to do. My husband lovingly stated that he and I both could use a tune up in the self-discipline area. True. That is a good place to start because how can we expect the kids to model anything but what we are doing?

So, my head is spinning a little, it's my fault, in whole, in part, both, whatever. This is hard stuff. Something has got to change though because I am not going to give up on this homeschooling thing or on my children. So, what do I do? I have no idea :) Right now, I need to clean this house, which is a whole other issue...maybe. So, while I am doing mental gymnastics this afternoon and trying to clean up this mess, please pray for me if you read this message!

getting back on track

Today was a good day. I am so thankful that we got back on track because we have not done school in about a week! I justified this because life has been making school seem almost impossible lately. Also, the public school has been out too, so I figure it's ok:) One thing that has been such a struggle is the piling up of disorganization. This is pretty typical of how I operate, I start off strong, and then sort of fall off the cliff, then I get up and try again. With school though, the need to stay ahead of the game is essential! I was feeling a little discouraged until I stopped and gave thought to what exactly the boys have learned so far(this is our third official week). They have learned a lot!! I am not going to make a list here of everything we have gone over, but I am amazed at their ability to learn in so many different ways of delivery. I am sure that in many areas, they are learning so much more at home than they would be at school. I have also seen the boys connecting relationally with each other in a deeper way, which is so cool. They are more enjoying each other's company where before they mainly tolerated each other most days, very cool. I am actually pretty brain dead right now, so I am going to log off and write more at a later time. All in all though, I see God's hand at work in our family and that is so awesome.

Need to pray!

Things are going well. This week I am off balance though, I can tell. I feel like the main reason is because I have not been spending time with God before school starts. I believe I really can see the difference in so many ways. Prayer is so key.

Home with the kids and loving it?! How did this happen?

I am taking a brief moment here to jot down some thoughts on school this week. First of all, I love it! If anyone knew how unlikely this is for me to be procclaiming, it would be shocking! I am the least likely, I am sure of it:) Days are going well, although there are some issues that need dealing with. For one, my boys think it is really funny that Mom is now suddenly Teacher. I am not laughing, I am yelling! Not so good... But, I am also Praying, hard, that God will work this out. I am praying He will instruct me, their instructer, with Godly wisdom in how to respond. I am also praying that He will shape and mold their little hearts in a brand new way ("Behold I am doing a new thing!") One of the ways I know He is working is through our Bible study time each morning. We start our day out with Bible and prayer and I can see them taking in Truth each time, what an amazing thing! If nothing else ever came of this in some profound way, the simple fact that I have the time to disciple my children is indeed a "new thing". I have long wanted to do this much better than I have been, but time has always been my speedy opponant in this matter. Days, weeks and years racing by with the ever present thought of "I have got to get to teaching them..." We started out with the Ten Commandments. We are learning them and discussing the meaning of strange words like "covet" and "adultery"(in a kid friendly way!). These are some of our new vocabulary words(actually, not adultery...don't want any rabbit trails on that one yet!) Things are just good, blessed and fruitful.

Thankyou God for divine appointments in life.